


The First Year Away

by Kazukoh (NihileNOPE)



Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Gen, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, body image issues, graphic depiction of starved body, introspective, most of this was roleplayed out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 08:46:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16114931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NihileNOPE/pseuds/Kazukoh
Summary: A single Asura looks back on her first year of life after college.





	The First Year Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [All of my fans](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=All+of+my+fans).



> This was just a quick abridged version of the past roleplayed-out year for Kazukoh, my Asura OC. If you don't wish to read through 20+ pages of the first year's bullet point timeline (at the time of writing this), or the long pages on TyriaRPwiki, you can read this! Note: This doesn't contain pre-RP backstory.
> 
> All recollections are in italics, unformatted text is what Kazukoh is doing as she reminisces.

The rays of the sun shining through my bedroom window was shockingly what woke me up this morning-normally I'd sleep right through that, waking up sometime in the afternoon. Both my roommate and my friend had since left, the former temporarily, likely for her usual daily routine, and the latter back to Elona for work. The only sound that could be heard in my lonely assisted living apartment was the pitter patter of my feet over the stone floor. I slowly stepped inside my bathroom, sliding off my pajamas so I could take a nice, long bath. A sigh escaped my lips as I saw my emaciated form in the mirror. Dry, pale skin, tightly stretched over bone, collarbone, ribs, and hips jutting out painfully, stomach so concave it's touching my spine-yet is starting to distend slightly, face sunken in, dark circles rimming my eyes...I've always lived like this, but over the past year, it's only grown worse.

  
_I remember starting to feel dizzy at the end of my airship flight to Amnoon, how I booked it out of the flight area, into the main part of town, and tore into a hunting lodge's recruitment feast, eating a good portion of it alongside another human. The facade I wore compelled me to brag about it, but internally, I felt a bit guilty, so I joined them. I managed to hide my illness, and my irrational fear of losing my loved ones for a while, managing to show how impressive of a Staff Mesmer I was by only sustaining minimal injuries in my second hunt, and none in my first. I ended up being the key to freeing a Djinn and finding a relic, thanks to my ability to sense magic. I managed to handle a close call after an encounter with a Margonite by escaping back to town to get myself something to eat. All they know is that I'm a normal Asura with a large appetite._

  
_Until that day. Those days, more accurately._

  
_During my above escapade, I went back to Rata Sum to pay a visit to some family friends. Upon exiting the airship...I was greeted with chaos. Rata Sum was under attack. I was so frightened for my Mom and Dad...my two friends....but I couldn't look for them, I ended up swept aboard another ship that crashed, and I woke up in the hospital, ravenously hungry, after three days. I told the people interrogating me what I knew. Thankfully, my friend was on the airship with me, and she also survived the crash, my other one was in Amnoon, my Dad was out in Vabbi placing waypoints, and Mom was with a client out in Soren Draa._

  
_Back in Amnoon...was a different story. I started to feel dizzy and hungry during a hunt. I couldn't even hold my head up, could barely focus my staff...couldn't hide my pain. A gash to the side actually caused me to cry out, alerting two of my fellow hunters, one of whom took a claw to the back to get me out of there. I found myself in his arms, the taste of potion in my mouth, confessing what was wrong with me. Everything was hazy and blurry. Everything faded out. I then woke up in one of the refugee medical tents, that the hunting lodge was borrowing until we got our own grounds. I had woken up in sheer agony, and the Huntmaster whom brought me back had hurried off to get food. I told her and my Charr hunter friend about it. These incidents would repeat almost indefinitely. At first, they didn't seem to mind that I was ill, and I continued assisting on hunts. I ran out of gold at one point, and had magical healing done on me, which turned out to only make me even hungrier. These had caused issues which landed me in the hospital, where I met someone special to me. I even learned some secrets that had gotten me banged up a bit. Bored in the medical tent, I started to build Scuffles, my famous service golem, except at that time, he was merely a mount with pseudo-sentience. I also met my future mentor after a particularly bad set of injuries had me sent back to Rata Sum. That same week, everything went to The Mists. I nearly lost some of my friends, and I tried so desperately to save them, at the cost of my own health. I ended up breaking down crying in front of them, too._

  
_I headed back to Rata Sum to recover both physically and emotionally, and got caught up in a scandal. Another pseudo-sentience adaptation landed my one friend-and myself, since he was helping me walk, in a Peacemaker cell, leading me to fall unconscious. A Charr rescued us. Mom was not happy, and began trying for a spot on the council. Good thinking, we believe it's corrupt. The issue was all over the news, and thankfully, my information was left anonymous. I jumped between Amnoon and The Black Citadel, as my friend was a fugitive at the time. Scuffles got confiscated by an overzealous and feelings-sensitive cavalier, which led me to almost faint again since I couldn't get my own food. A lodge member brought me something to eat, and helped me back. The Golem my mom gave me carried me around for the time being. Both media and doctors questioned me, the latter examining me. The Huntmasters heard of my Golem being taken. I encountered a powerful Inquest higher-up, passing her 'test'. The Charr that rescued me was now assigned to carry me as part of his community service for smashing up so many Golems. That Inquest member from before also was after my friend, she didn't want the new power source said friend and aquaintances of ours were working on to be completed. I met a couple mentors, and unintentionally deafened my friend with my stomach. The two of us created a modified neural interface for use with a VR game. Inquest hacked the interface while I tried to teach my friend combat. We had to escape. We went to the Crucible of Eternity to investigate. Both of us got captured._

  
I shuddered, as even though this particular event wasn't traumatic to me, it's harsher in hindsight given what happens later. I instructed Scuffles to lay by the side of the bathtub as I climbed in, letting the warm water start to run. I added scented bubble bath to help calm me down as I continued to reminisce.

  
_He was inducted by them to save his friends...and I was placed in waiting to be interrogated. We ended up freeing each other as The Alchemy placed him as my interrogator. The wait was long enough for my illness to act up. We broke each other out, and I ran into the higher up again. I fought her, sustaining heavy injuries. His Golemite's processor core was lost in the entire incident, so he was essentially dead until we could get him a new one. Neither of us could keep ourselves together...nor be alone. He was upgraded, I kept my eating contest title by entering again this year...and after a confession of what has been happening, I confessed my love to my friend. We entered a relationship, the contract had no known end date. I found out he, too, was ill, but with anemia. We both promised to look after each other. Ironically, my own claws started to break. He made me a gyro to help me move around until I could get Scuffles back. Thankfully I got him back once I brought him and an acquaintance to Amnoon. The two of them joined the Hunting Lodge, and my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. Sadly he was too drunk to remember it. The next day, he got me a desert bloom to wear in my hair. It remained there for the longest time. Yes, this is important._

  
A whimper could be heard from Scuffles once I felt tears falling from my eyes. The next bit of memories are...painful. It's when everything started to go downhill. The Golem witnessed everything. He knows.

  
_My boyfriend and I headed out to help him learn Holosmithing, and we were taking a break in the center. My stomach told me in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get food right this moment, it would not end well for me. A crazy Sylvari, whom had joined a former hunt, showed up. She claimed there was a vampire wolf in my stomach, and I needed saved from it....through being disemboweled. My boyfriend and his friend stepped to my defense, a Norn Druid broke it up. She looked over me as my boyfriend brought me food. I was then given a sweet liquid by her, was told it was a vitamin supplement. She hoped it would settle my stomach, allow my body to accept nutrients. Some of them got through. My stomach hurt less, I was able to move a bit more...and when I helped claim a lab for the Krewe my boyfriend ran, was able to conjure illusions that could conjure their own illusions. Collapsed when it was all over, woke up in Rata Sum. His friend...or more accurately, my doctor, had patched me up, with my boyfriend's help. However, I was outright ravenous, due to how my doctor's magic works. The Krewe that was dedicated to finding my illness reformed for the duration of the time I was out in Amnoon, and came out with me, along with a mentor, after we found out about a Nightmare Courtier being involved with the crazy Sylvari. I closed myself off for my own sanity and safety. Dad was relocated to Istan after a Brandstorm hit Amnoon-which we thankfully avoided. The Lodge was hit, and one of the Huntmasters was captured. Was ambushed by the Courtier, but my stomach scared him off. We found out the crazy Sylvari changed. So did the still present Huntmaster. All three of us were injured and sent to Rata Sum after rescuing the kidnapped Huntmaster. My mentor alerted her, as the Human, unkidnapped Huntmaster was brainwashed by the Sylvari. I then fell horrifically ill after fighting a Wurm, having been infected with parasites. Someone like me HAS to keep food down, which I failed to do. During my recovery, we all headed to Amnoon...where I was held hostage with a blade to my neck by the Courtier, whom, after I was rescued, turned on another Sylvari, stabbing her in the neck. My Charr doctor healed her, and I rushed to make sure the Norn huntmaster wasn't brainwashed. I was interrogated, accused of threatening to kill people and overturn the Lodge. I broke down crying and then fainted. Upon being told once I came to that there was going to be a duel to determine the fate of the Courtier's guilt, I nominated my Charr doctor, as he was the STRONGEST person I knew. I was taken back to Rata Sum to recover._

  
I drained the water from the tub, teardrops landing on the side of the surface. I just curled up in there, trying to calm down. Scuffles nudged open the accessibility door, curling up beside me in an attempt to comfort me.

  
_The Sylvari invited me to a strange pancake party, my boyfriend and I planned on how to get the cursed artifact away from her-we used a toggle to turn off his Golemite's pseudo-sentience, so he could grab it and ditch it, much like he did with that Charr's possessed hammer. Discussion of this led to some other discussion, where I told my boyfriend I'm infertile. I can barely sustain my own life, yet alone another. On the 'good' Huntmaster's word, we set up a security system inside the Golemite. My mentor gave me something to give to the Charr doctor, and that turned out to give him the edge, letting him win. There was a fight night afterwards, ending in many of us sustaining serious injuries. I had to be magically healed, which left me ravenously hungry, on top of a flareup of my illness-called magicaloriphagia, but I never gave that name out to any non-Asura. My doctor, after the transfer to Rata Sum, mentioned some humans discussing it and calling it "The Elder Dragon's Curse". My boyfriend and I met each other's parents, and upon recovering, we headed to that pancake party. Found out about the Courtier having a separate, harmless personality, and that people were talking about my ailment. Oy. A bit later on, Dear Boyfriend got a spot on the council after a speech about his Golemite's additions, and my mom got on as well. However, serious injuries caused him to take off, and my mom to take off to take care of him and me and my acquaintance. During recovery, we played another VR game, forcing me to confess about my near-death experience from college. My Beloved showed me the battle-wrench he built, and I mused about going on a similar quest to build a strong weapon like that. But that dream was forced to be put on hold._

  
I clung to Scuffles tighter as I recounted this next part. My hair, midway down to my back and as thin and brittle as ever, stuck to my still-damp body. Whether from the water from the bath or a cold sweat from these memories, I did not know.

  
_We went on our first Krewe expedition-Rata Novus. But we barely made it past the gates. A Chak Gerant landed between us, separating me from the others. I felt my energy just leaving me as I fought. It's worse than before. Everything went black, and I felt myself suspended in total blackness. I could see my boyfriend in the distance, I thought I heard him calling for me. I tried to move towards him, but I couldn't. He kept going farther and farther as I tried to run. Next thing I know, I'm in a hospital bed, practically covered in wires and tubes. Doctors told me I was comatose earlier. Thankfully it wasn't for long. It would take some time for the lab to get back to the exact cause, as they were going to run as many tests as they could think of. Despite this, I still attended a vigil meant to honor the lost. I had to leave Scuffles behind, and I could barely stand up. Not many people took notice of me. Slightly relieved, but I would have appreciated seeing my fellow hunters standing with me during my recovery. I began Chronomancy training, and ended up eating a toxin-cured hog on a third-party dare. Found out a letter had announced my death upon returning to Amnoon temporarily, and later had the Golemite from before registered as my legal child, joint custody with my boyfriend. Later the two of us were dragged to the Hunting Lodge by my Charr doctor, we found out that the human Huntmaster was cured of her brainwashing. She was horrifically apologetic of what happened. We hunted a Jacaranda for a Wintersday tradition, but my body didn't cooperate with me, and I passed out. Was told to not go on any more hunts until my body recovered. Was sent to Rata Sum and lectured by my mentor. A Peacemaker then visited me, apologizing for the incident a while back. I then went to an open house for the lodge....and felt so horrifically ostracized, I was starting to debate even staying. I headed back to Rata Sum to think. I began Mirage studies, started making a new Chassis for Scuffles...and then feigned illness so I could discuss something with my doctor alone-I was given an envelope to give to my boyfriend when the right time came. The official cause of my coma was also revealed. Stress. The decision was made then. But I had to write my official resignation letter. Eventually got that taken care of, and another flareup landed me in the hospital. I broke down in front of the doctor, and she had a therapist sent in to see me. I've been in and out of krewes and guilds since. One other doctor checked me over, she's a psychiatrist with Rata Rehab, so she was able to pull my files easily. She had me get my first medical assistance Golem, to work alongside Scuffles. At the time, I thought I was just a product tester. My boyfriend proposed, we got married, he disappeared. My facade had been breaking, and sometime before the wedding, I ran into the crazy Sylvari whom chased me. My future father-in-law and my psychiatrist-the one from before took on my case-got me into protection. Mom's been aware of this, plus she had some dirt on Councillor Yahk. I began working on weapons. I'd been flaring up often. The Sylvari was cured a couple days before my wedding. I was contracted out with a warband, and got into two Krewes, which are semi-active. Scuffles got upgraded and merged with my medical assistance Golem. Rejections start coming in droves when I wished for something a bit more active. One of the worst came after a flareup...and my distress from it caused whom is now my arch-nemesis to start harassing me. The stress triggered a second one. I was admitted to the hospital. I started Priory training, became a priory explorer...and was rejected from my assignment. The Krewe that had reformed disbanded. Things...started to look up after this._

  
I ran more water, without bubbles this time, to actually clean myself off. Scuffles may be waterproof, but I don't let him in the tub with me, so I had him get out.

  
_An expedition I went on with one of my Krewes-these expeditions are rare-ended up having Kralkatorrik attack our boat. A minion's tendril grabbed me, and I bit it. Ended up swallowing some of it. Ended up sick, and had to stay in the hospital for a bit since the tendril caused such bad nausea I couldn't really eat. The night before I left, I had met an Inquest experiment whom understood about my high metabolism, since his experimentation caused that. People kept warning me about him and I didn't believe them. I was also inducted into a new Krewe. My arch-nemesis heckled me in the hospital, to which one of my Krewemates bailed me out. (I'm going to start numbering them. The two Krewes I joined before have member overlap so I'll call them Krewe #1. The one that I joined while in the hospital is Krewe #2) Krewemate from Krewe 2 turned out to be their doctor. Once discharged, I went to Plikter's, was offered a meal by an Ex-Inquest member. This..turned into an interrogation. I didn't answer a question correctly. I was choked. Scuffles got him off me, and my arch-nemesis kept me from being choked again. I refused his help out of pride. The next day, a Peacemaker, Krewe 2 founder, and Krewe 2 doctor ran into me at The Coin. I kept having coughing fits, and they decided to take me back. After one so violent that I tasted blood, I was taken straight back to the lab. The Peacemaker was inducted. He was a father figure to me. I felt like I had a family. I felt like I belonged. I told them about my mental health and financial situation. They only knew the bare minimum about my illness. I started working on another weapon. However I felt lonely regarding my husband being away. But Krewe 2 was nicely filling that void. Who needs romance when you have a good family? I had two weapons completed, and was working on two more when I was promoted to Chronicler in the Priory. Disaster struck after._

  
I wrapped myself in a thick towel, and promptly began to shake and sob against Scuffles' side. These memories still put me back in the thick of them. I felt him repeatedly nudge my side to keep me grounded.

  
_I took a break in Obscura Incline, overlooking the lake. I saw a spluttering Asura, and immediately ran to help. I felt a blade against my neck. When I snapped out of the memories, there was a shock coller around my neck, that had already gone off once. I was told I'd be fed twice a day, and my vitals would be monitored before and after. The Inquest Asura in front of me was female. Blonde hair with pink-red streaks. Blue-grey eyes and glasses. Her face twisted and spun and faded as I blacked out. When I woke, I was lying in a makeshift hospital bed, hooked up to an IV. I was told I nearly died._

  
By the time I had come back to reality, my stomach ached from hunger, clenching and twisting over itself, until it finally let out a long, loud growl that could have easily been misattributed to Scuffles, due to his dog shape. I checked the fridge to see if the hospital left me a meal, which I did. Took it out and ate it cold.

  
_The Peacemaker, and a Peacemaker Medic had been taking good care of me, as was Krewe 2's doctor. But Krewe 2's Krewe Chief's girlfriend had scared me, so I had to leave. This happened after a stay in Vanguard Hospital's psychiatric ward for my own safety. Krewe 1 knows about the capture. There was some worry I was repressing traumatic memories. I had them but wasn't repressing. I began the hunt for exactly what happened. I was homeless for a while, nearly died again from severe hypoglycemia. A kind doctor helped me from that. Ended up in Vanguard as his treatment caused an iron deficiency. Ended up misdiagnosed and afraid of my death due to the treatment. Was transferred out, and was brought back to Rata Rehab. Mom and Dad were AWOL. I met my 'sister' during this hospital stay. It was made clear that I was suffering from PTSD. Hunger pangs were getting worse, and Inquest petrified me. I was given a spiked milkshake one day at The Reach, fainted from drinking too much. Woke up with a nasty hangover and was attacked by a woman I was trying to help. She thankfully got the help she needed, as she was having mental troubles. I was told that alcohol doesn't trigger a flareup, much to my relief. Got ambushed by an anti-Inquest Asura, whom got me away from one of their hotspots, and told me they were still after me. Was arrested for vagrancy a bit later, but was given a home with Krewe 1 for now. I learned I was unmodified by the Inquest, only starved. Scuffles was continually upgraded, but my health declined. I couldn't even climb on barstools. I sung to a crowd, but I don't think the message stuck. I collapsed afterwards, and was looked over. They couldn't find anything wrong. I then joined a Krewe to deliver justice upon my arch-nemesis. I slapped him. Got arrested for that. Found out that I had even more immense magic talent than expected. I ended my relationship contract with my then-husband. I had an emotional breakdown, and was harassed for having PTSD. By humans. I started hating them, and was inducted into a guild led by a Sylvari that disliked them. Continual assumptions about me kept hurting me, and I developed an unhealthy attachment to Taimi. She's the only other Asura that's sick without a cure. The only one I can fully relate to. Even if it's different bodily systems that affect us, we can still relate. Another incident led me to being escorted out of The Coin by the anti-Inquest Asura, whom turned out to be Order of Whispers. A rescue mission I participated in caused a flareup. I then was thrown by a human while recovering, having a SECOND flareup during my unconscious period. The treating doctor turned out to be the one who discovered the illness, and the only remaining member of the original Krewe, as the rest had gone missing. She had discovered I was punishing my body, and sent me to a mental health program, where I met an old friend. Krewe Chief 1 ended up being a roommate for a period of time and we brought each other up a bit since she had some issues of her own. A meeting at The Coin had me injected by the Inquest experiment, whom wasn't really Inquest. He was a spy. The substance caused me to hunger greatly, and a counter-serum was quickly made-it was a DNA resequencer. I don't trust him anymore. Meanwhile, Krewe Chief 1 was determined to make me the next Taimi. She wanted to help me...and I felt like I could be normal with this. I was excited. I started having mood swings after multiple instances of harassment. My body still continued to fail to cooperate. I was soon moved into the apartment I currently reside in. I reunited with the woman who attacked me back then, her mental health was now stable. She and I were inducted into the Order of Whispers._

  
I threw out the disposable dishes, gripping tightly onto one of Scuffles' decorative stones. This was comforting to me, as I was horrifically unnerved at this next part.

  
_I died. I actually died. A Charr threw me and I died. I was resuced, placed into a Golem, since a Samaritan tried to magically heal me, and that forced my spirit to evacuate to The Mists prematurely. I don't remember anything there, but I'm certain that it wasn't my time. Two of my now ex-friends fought in front of me. I fear that I'll never have a family again. A readthrough of the Fahranur incident led me to be afraid of using a closed Golem. I had an upgrade to my version of Scruffy, and Taimi herself actually helped. IN MY APARTMENT. I MET. MY IDOL. IN MY APARTMENT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! I had to go bald for a bit, but that's fine. It's autographed, too. Sadly, my health kept going downhill, but there was a reason. After my 'death', I had picked up a Mist Essence of Snaff. My body was trying to accommodate for his presence. I kept hearing his voice. The brainless bookah that led psych put me and my now more sisterly than ever Krewe Chief (numbers gone since I had to leave Krewe 2) were put in acute. I got out after three days, but she was restrained without cause. I utilized Snaff to hijack all the Golems to record transcriptions. Bookah got fired. My psychiatrist got promoted. My Krewe Chief moved in with me. Had bad enough muscular weakness to lose control of some of my bodily functions on every flareup now. A vacation led me to channel Snaff completely, and I learned how to channel Glint. I'm now both a Revenant and a Mesmer now. I'm magically capable, but can I live up to expectations? Other Asura kept hurting me at the bar, many of them Inquest. Some intentionally, some unintentionally. Some of these encounters landed me in a youth shelter. I've turned to music as a way to cope. I've been assaulted twice, and nearly kidnapped once. I helped a friend get closure on her own Inquest difficulties. It was hard on both of us. Hunger worsened even further._

  
This all happened over the span of a year. One whole year. I made my way back into the bathroom, to finally put some clothes on. I let the towel fall, just looking over my body. I hate myself. I truly do. Why did I live? Why do I survive? But most of all....why did I leave home?

**Author's Note:**

> The reason that nobody is named is because I'd rather have permission from the people who played their characters to use their names.
> 
> The reason it all seems so confusing is because Kazukoh is admittedly a rambler, even when speaking in 'common' words instead of 'asuran' ones.
> 
> This is technically a 'diary' entry, hence why her Order of Whispers status is mentioned.
> 
> I hope you like it!


End file.
